Working Throught PCOS Regrets

by Jill
(Colorado)

Hi,

I am trying to work through a lot of regret and guilt over not being able to have our second child earlier because of my PCOS. You are such an expert on PCOS that I thought I would get your insight.

I did not know about the supplement Inositol to help with ovulation and egg quality for PCOS until the month before getting pregnant with our second child. I had tried Clomid, Metformin, IUIs and IVFs and then gave up not wanting to have false hope I kept telling myself. Of course doctors are clueless, which I relied on.

Our first child, conceived through IVF after years of infertility, was 7 when I got pregnant with our second child. We were in shock that it had happened naturally or at all after trying so long. Earlier we went through three failed IVFs trying to have a second child and they said I had poor egg quality that I did not know was associated with PCOS so I thought I was completely infertile.

I gave up for several years not knowing what to do until I thought I would try one last time to get pregnant after all adoption options had failed and looked for any new info about PCOS online and found the PCOS supplements I never heard about. I had tried supplements for general fertility but not for PCOS, which I did not know existed. One supplement I had tried was Saw Palmetto along with Vitex, which never worked.

I just lost so much time and our children are farther apart in age that I had wanted because of my PCOS. I just kick myself for not finding the information earlier and the what if's haunt me.

I guess my question is do you know of women who get on supplements for PCOS like Inositol and still do not get pregnant or it takes a lot longer than a month to work? The first month I found the Inositol and a pre-diabetic multivitamin that had higher Chromium and tried Saw Palmetto again I got pregnant. (I guess there is a recent study that shows Chromium does not really work well though so that at least made me feel better.)

But I think if only I would have had this info earlier and knew what I know now about PCOS then. I see it as the magic bullet I never knew about but maybe I could not have recreated it earlier. Maybe my diet was extra good that month or I was exercising more. I guess there are A LOT of variables with PCOS -- right?

Anyway, I am just trying to get peace with what happened to me with all of it and believe that maybe it might not have worked earlier and things might have just perfectly aligned for once with PCOS being so complex and unpredictable. I hear that PCOS symptoms can get less severe over time too and maybe if I did all of it earlier it would not have worked? Let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

Jill

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Love your random thoughts
by: Jill

Love your random life thoughts.

You are right. I need to choose that everything is OK. It is a choice. Maybe not the "perfect" way I had planned but my children have/will have each other in life -- and that gives me peace as a parent.

What is perfect anyway? Had it with society and their thought of what perfect is with family planning. When they questioned if we were going to have a child, have another child and now looking for a middle child, adding up the age difference or asking why we waited. Makes me want to scream: Do you have any idea what we have been through?!

Like you said PCOS is so complex that Inositol most likely did not do it alone and there were other factors that came together somehow. I have to believe that. What you believe is your reality and I need to believe that it might not have come together any other way or I will go insane thinking that it could have happened so easy only if I would have found it earlier.

Guess I am doing pretty well compared to some women with PCOS that you described. Tell that to my family who expect me to act totally normal and functional with PCOS, hypothyroidism and rheumatoid arthritis. They have no idea about it all -- the same as doctors! Thanks again.

Jill

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Random thoughts about 'life'
by: Editor

When a person is deficient in something and that something is replaced, the effect can be rapid. Inositol is one example. Ditto for vit D. Ditto for magnesium. And so on.

Final random thought about "life":

1) Each of us needs to get outside of ourselves and focus on being engaged with our environment (people, events, things, etc.). We all get trapped inside our own little world. Little voices in our minds play endless tapes of the same thing over and over. The same regrets or mistakes over and over. We all have Inner Critics that are merciless.

2) Each of us must practice compassion, mostly with ourselves. Utter, complete, wordless compassion without any reservation whatever. We must embrace ourselves with the greatest love and forgiveness that we can muster.

3) Everything is relative. Some women are much worse off than you. Some are so ill and so stressed and so depressed it's all they can do to take a step or get out of bed in the morning or just stay alive.

4) How you frame your experiences will shape the outcome of your life. Everything is OK if you choose to see it that way.

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Vitamin D deficient
by: Jill

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I know you are busy but it really helped.

I have been Vitamin D deficient for who knows how long. Found out about it after our second child was born and am on 50,000 IU every week/10 days so that was not a factor in finally getting pregnant again. So I guess I at least do not feel guilty about that if that helps PCOS too!

But I appreciate you telling me I should not feel guilty at all, and that as you put it PCOS is a hideously complex thing to deal with. PCOS is a hideously hard thing to have and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy on how it has impacted my life. Trying to stop thinking I made such as mess of things and maybe I could not have recreated it earlier if things somehow did not perfectly align.

Women just have this plan in their heads as to when they want their children and how far apart in age they will be. All that went out the window with the infertility caused by my PCOS.

What did you mean about the inositol? Saying it depends on how much you take and how long you take it? I was taking the 4 grams a day for probably just a week or two before. I had just gotten it the month going into when I naturally conceived. That same month! Do you really think it would have affected egg quality/ovulation so quickly? Sounds like it probably was not the magic bullet with so many other variables with PCOS. So I need to stop kicking myself about it.

Forgot to mention I had a natural pregnancy years earlier after our first child that was ectopic that ended in emergency surgery since I did not have really regular periods and did not know about it! They had to take the tube. I happened have a bad cough this time and was on cough medicine that I hear makes your tubes slippery. Kind of strange how it all came together within a month after years.

Are sticky tubes a symptom of PCOS too? Anyway, maybe it was finally meant to be!

I appreciate your thoughts and a little therapy for all of it.

Jill

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About regrets...
by: Editor

Hi Jill,

Regarding regrets, I wish I had more time to discuss this. But I don't.

There are very few people on the planet who do not have serious regrets. Me included. My life is littered with regrets. If only I had done this. Or that. Or not have done it. If only... If only... Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Those regrets will always be with us, just like old stale dead exhibits in a natural history museum. It doesn't help for us to dwell on them. It's OK to visit them once in a great while and see them for what they are -- past events or non-events over which we have absolutely no control today.

Our best option is to fully embrace who we are today and move forward.

Our best option is to focus all of our attention on the Present Moment. That's all we really have. Please trust me on this. I am a lot older than you.

As for PCOS, it's a hideously complex thing to deal with. It is very poorly understood by anyone. No one has the magic bullet solution. No one. Why? Because there is no magic bullet.

So there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty.

As for inositol, it depends on how much you take and how long you take it. Some women need more than others. Most of the time, there are multiple other factors involved so that inositol all by itself cannot solve the problem. Vitamin D deficiency is a good example of this.

Be grateful for all that you do have and don't worry about what you don't have. Love yourself and everyone around you. It will be OK.

- Editor

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